Couple Holding Hands
Ending Toxic Relationships: Let Go of Dating Time-Wasters and Deceitful Partners
July 24, 2019

Inequity and imbalance in relationship

This post addresses issues of equality, respect, and control.

The success of any relationship can be measured in how well it meets the needs of each person.

What does having a relationship that is based on equality mean?  How can you measure it to ensure a happy, healthy, balanced partnership?  Each persons needs and desires, opinions and preferences need to be voiced – by both.  If your partner cannot voice and be thoughtfully creative in meeting them, it is wise to be concerned.  Imbalance happens pretty frequently.  The question is, are you with someone who is willing to care about your needs as much as they care about their own.  If your partner isn’t able to hear and care about and take action to meet your biggest needs, I’m hoping you are willing to listen well enough to take in that truth.  Listening well requires taking in what they are saying – and more importantly, DOING.  I always advise my clients to stick to the old adage:  “Your action speak so loudly I can’t hear a word you’re saying”.  For instance, If your partner controls how often you go out, where/how/who spends money, or is secretive about their time, money, thoughts, contact with others…you may need to rethink your interactive approach to them.  Imbalance in effort or transparency of any kind may be a vital missing piece.

  1.  Does your partner make a majority of the decisions? 
  2. Do they take into consideration your needs for time together?
  3. Do they take into consideration your desires to be alone?  To be social?  To appreciate you most important activities that are meaningful to you?
  4. Is your partner willing to go out of their way for you, equally as you do?
  5. If you are living together, do they appreciate your contributions (whatever they may be) and share in the responsibilities? 

Responsibilities can take on a multitude of different scenarios.  One partner may have more time and the other more financial means.  This is the opposite of a tit-for-tat.  Balance NEVER requires a balance sheet.  Rather, it is about thoughtfulness, dedication, sacrifice, and the desire to care for and about the OTHER’S needs.  If each partner is willing and capable both partners can have their needs met.  This is true even if their differences are vast.  The only time it’s not true is when one or both are not willing and able to care enough about the other to temporarily set aside their own needs long enough to meet those of their partner.

Disagreement is normal and healthy.  It doesn’t mean you’re not compatible or right for each other.  The question is, what’s possible?  And, are both willing and able to listen well to each other to work towards a balance that meets the most important needs of each in the relationship?  Bottom line:  no one’s needs or opinions are more important than the others.  Where there is healthy listening and true desire to care about the other’s needs and seek creative ways to meet them, there is real possibility.  Without these, a healthy balance cannot be achieved.

Real communication is not an argument.  Anyone who has the intention to persuade vs. listen and hear well is manipulating, not listening.  Manipulation can take many forms.  Talking over top of someone, rather than wanting to hear all they have to say isn’t listening or hearing, it’s a desire to persuade and control.  When anyone is talking it’s an opportunity to get to know that person better.  Are you getting an angry response?  Criticized?  Are you feeling heard and cared for?  These are all important indicators and need your attention.

If you need some assistance navigating balance in relationship, hit me up and we can set up a time to meet.  The best way to contact me directly is via text, 301-524-0769.  Looking forward to chatting soon!

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